Well you can just go ahead and call me Prophet of the Century because I, as an extremely casually-informed high school senior who only took interest in Indecision 2000 because my AP Government teachers let us miss school to work the voting booths, foretold that bipartisan mentalities would screw our country over. I came to this conclusion while helping run the booth in my district, which was this retirement home-cum-apartment complex full of extreme conservative Republicans and way liberal Democrats, both of which were united in their white hair and tracksuits. Lemme tell you straight off, those old folks can really throw down when it comes to defending their party. This one old dude came storming into the lobby to bitch out my supervisor for having Gore signs stuck in the grass within a 40 feet radius of the polling place, which is like really illegal I guess, but then homegirl was all, “Excuse me sir, but YOU’RE wearing an elephant pin!” They were about to come to fisticuffs, FO REAL. Go old people!
Anyway, I saw a TON of people who would just march in, pick up their ballot and just BAM swing the lever and they were done. Allllll the way down one column, obviously either R or D. Which kind of rankled me, as someone too young to vote in an obviously important election–I had watched enough SNL and Daily Show to know that Bushy was an idiot, mmmkay?–because it was quite clear that zero thought was being put into their vote. Republicans do it all the time, yeah, but so did the Democrats (which is the party I identified with at the time, and sort of still do, even though on principal the idea of aligning myself with a party goes against my values). Which to me is like going to see every movie that Julianne Moore has ever been in. Like, she’s a good actress, and I like her, but she’s also been in SHITACULAR films. I want her to do good work, so I refuse to financially encourage her to make more shitty films like that one where the aliens stole her baby!
Lo and behold, that particular election ended in a ridiculous near-TIE, as we all remember, and I can recall sitting there all smug like, “I told you so.” And then everyone else agreed with me, and THEN came the bipartisan backlash, which my opinion sucks just as much, as you’ll see in a minute. Even now you can see articles lambasting bipartisan politics and how being moderate is totally the new black, y’all! I’m certainly no extreme leftist, but I’m also really tired of all these so-called Democratic presidential candidates trying to please everybody and playing it safe. I say, bring on the Bill Richardsons who legalize medicinal marijuana! Bring on the crazy loons like Mike Gravel (who I don’t think is that crazy, just a progressive thinker). I am ready for a really AWESOME leader who isn’t afraid to make giant sweeping changes and has the clout with Congress to make those changes happen. And I don’t mean selfish changes that only affect the insanely wealthy 1% of the population, MR. PRESIDENT, but everyone. Where is our fearless world leader with long-term vision, like Lincoln or Jefferson? I am crazy jealous of my grandparents on my dad’s side, who lived through FDR and Eisenhower and Kennedy. Where the fuck is the new FDR, dammit? Do we really need to go into another Depression just so folks will be desperate enough to let a president do whatever the fuck s/he wants? SERIOUSLY PEOPLE.